You Know You're Serbian When ...
•You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name
•YOUR 15 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN OUTDRINK ANY AMERIKANAC
•Your father calls you a "dummy" for not knowing how to do something he can't either.
•Your father expects you to study or "hit da books" every waking hour that he's home, and he expects nothing less than an "A".
•A cold shiver runs down your spine when your mom threatens by using the word "tata" in a sentence.
•YOUR DEDA CUTS THE GRASS WITH KNEE HIGH BLACK SICKS AND SLIPPERS
•Your Baba calls all cereal "Corn Flakes".
•You can hear your dad snoring from across the street.
•There's at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to.
•You had to break off a tree branch from your back yard, so your dad could whoop your ass with it.
•When you make jokes based on your own tragedy
•YOUR CHURCH HAS A FULLY LOADED BAR
•You don't want to have or do any business with Serbs.
•You have a Serbian cross, flag, or icon, hanging from your rear view mirror
•Your uncle makes his own wine that is stronger than rakija
•There is a baba hotline 1-800-CALL-BABA
•Your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you
•Rakija is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions and as a massage lotion
•At your birthdays everyone is singing "Happy brzday tu u"
• WHEN YOUR FRIENDS CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT DRUNK AT A CHURCH FUNCTION
•Your parents pronounce three, thirteen and thirty three as tri, tirteen, and tirty tree.
•When your parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from University
•When you have to reassure your Mother that her cooking is the best
•Whenever you went by Baba's house, she offered you supa, sarma, pecenje or kolace and got mad if you didn't eat EVERYTHING.
• YOU ARE AT A ZABAVA AND GUYS TRY TO <img src="http://3.forumer.com/html/emoticons/cvetaidol/censored.gif"> YOU UP WITH THE LINE "HEY BABY, WHAT'S YOUR SLAVA?"
•Your American friends will never understand why you spend so much time at church events and you are the farthest thing from holy that there is
•You live for the annual Folkfest and/or Soccer Tournament
•Whenever you kiss somebody, you kiss them 3 times.
•When you are told that you'll grow a tail if you drink coffee at a young age
•You are freaked out by 'Babaroga'
•Your tata pronounces "oops" as "ups."
•You hear the word "BATINE" and you cringe or go into convulsions
•You have opanke hanging from your rear view mirror
•The first conversation you had as a baby used the words "<img src=http://3.forumer.com/html/emoticons/cvetaidol/censored.gif"/> ga"
•You cant imagine hearing a song without the obligatory "harmonikas solo"
•Everyone is sure that you're Italian or Greek
•No one has ever pronounced your last name right, and every kid on the block has a nickname for it
•WHEN YOUR BABA TELLS YOU THAT YOUR DEDA IS PERFECT BUT DON'T ASK HIM ANYTHING
•WHEN THE BABA GRAPEVINE TRAVELS FASTER THAN THE NATIONAL EMERGENCY ALERT
•You know at least 20 Tool and Die Makers or Machinists or you are one yourself.
•Your Dad tells you "kad sam ja bio u tvoje godine...."
•You go to church 2 times a year... Bozic and Uskrs
•When you say you're hungry, and then go buy pack of smokes
•When your baba chases you down the street with her cipela...
•When your tata is talking to you and every other word he calls you is budala...
•You have a shot of rakija followed by a crna kafa and a pack of Malboro's for breakfast.
•WHEN YOUR TATA TELLS YOU A NARODNA POSLOVICA FOR EVERY SINGLE WRONG THING YOU DO AND YOU THINK HE MADE THEM ALL UP JUST TO PROVE A POINT.
•When there are more fights at a wedding than a championship match
•When you write on your history exam that Nikola Tesla is the father of electricity not Thomas Edison and you teacher fails you.
•You get scared when your dad sneezes
•When your parents will only go to the doctor if they are passed out on the floor or have severed a limb
•When the first thing you do when you walk into a friends house, is take off your shoes, kiss their mom, and shake their dad's hand
•When your friends' parents talk to you like they're YOUR PARENTS too.
•When your father says "samo ako te zgrabim ja"
•THE WORD "SRAMOTA!" WILL DETER YOU FROM ANYTHING
•Every one of your relatives from the old country that immigrates to the the US is an engineer
•Cevapcici on the grill are better than steak any day
•All Middle Easterners are "Turci"
•YOUR GROWN UNCLE GETS A "BATINE" FROM YOUR BABA AND YOU DON'T THINK TWICE ABOUT IT
•A week after Slava, Bozic, and Easter you are still eating sarma
•You can dance a kolo to anything, including Serbian rock
•You read this list to your mama and tata and all they have to say in their defense is "IC NAT TRU!!!"
•When you've been called djubre at least once in your life
•You have a gold chain with a 'pravoslavni krst' on it
•WHEN YOU SAY BITCH INSTEAD OF BEACH AND BEACH INSTEAD OF BITCH
•You know you're a Serb when you sing "DJURDJEVDAN" at all serbian parties
•YOUR DAD TELLS YOU "DIS IS THE TURD TIME I AM TELLING YOU DIS" AND YOU ARE AFRAID TO LAUGH
•You have no idea why the other girls in second grade are so upset when you tell them you eat lamb
•You have a doily covering your DVD, VCR, printer, scanner
•When you say your last name first and prefer last names that ends in "ic"
•You know you're Serbian when all you have to do is sniffle and your parents (almost gladly) say, "Uh- huh" and start yelling at you for getting sick
•When people still think you are from Siberia no matter how many times you tell them Serbia
•When you watch a movie and wait to the end to see if there are any jugovic in the credits
•YOUR FAVOURITE PHRASE IS "NEMA PROBLEMA"
•When you can actually pronounce the "g" in jagnje
•When your Deda always says "Dodji Dedi"
•Your dad calls your friend Sarah > sera, and your friend Jose > koza
•Your parents tell you that "gurlz" love guys that can dance a good kolo
•Baba says "palachinki" and everyone heads for the table
•When your tata does a running commentary through a movie and he thinks he knows everything that's going to happen even though he has never seen the movie
•When you actually know what it means when Peja Stojakovic holds up three fingers
•Your tata yells at you "budala, neznas nista!" when you tell him that the crowd isn't yelling "DIVAC", they are actually yelling "Defense" during the Sacramento Kings game regardless if they are home or away (HAHA)
•When you call Santa "Deda Mraze"
•Upon meeting another Serb, one of your first questions is, "What church do You go to?"
•You've convinced all your friends that Bon Jovi's name is actually Bojan Jovic
•You can make a public announcement by telling just one Serb friend something in confidence.
•As a child, the babas at your church caused you permanent brain damage from asphyxiation by pressing your face into their ample boobs while shouting, "o joj, zlato!" over and over again
•When TATA goes to any professional and says STA ON ZNA, NEMA POJMA
•You know you're a Serb when your parents yell "kakva je ta skola" when you cannot complete their tax returns while you're in the third grade.
•You tell your friends that you love sipak (rosehip) jam and they have no idea what it is
• ur baba still asks 'koliko je to maraka' even if the currency isnt valid since 8 years now.
•u have been on the PIACA at least once in ur life and ure actually scared of the babas selling their SARGAREPE and LUK...
•ur mum says for the 100th time: SINE, UTRPAJ TU MAJICU, OTICE TI BUBREZI..
